I hate that boy. He was a complete asshole to me >:[

He asked me to go out to eat with him. Of course I said yes. Whenever we got there though he "went to the bathroom." Then when I looked out the window I saw him and his friends running off laughing. Stupid stupid stupid boys. AAAAHHHHH!! I hate this.

Im still fat too. Why cant I be like Amanda? Shes so pretty and little. She eats like a horse but she still weighs like a thousand pounds less than me.

Fuck this. Im going to throw up.

:[ Lawryn

I'm awake way too early.

I should go back to sleep, but I cant. There are too many thoughts flying through this head of mine. I kind of like him, but I dont know if he likes me. He probably thinks I'm fat. Thatll be taken care of soon enough, though. Slowly but surely, Im gonna lose it all.

BTW 5'3 130 lbs. currently.

STB 5'3 85 lbs.

I wish I didnt have to do this all over again. Why did I ever agree to go to the doctor before?

Back to the boy, hes nice, funny, skinny, and he talks to me all the time. He lives a few houses down from me, and my brother hangs out with his brother alot. I used to hang out with his sister until she found out I liked him...now she wont speak to me anymore.

Enough for now.

~Lawryn

My first public entry in a while.

I do not normally post public entries, but I have decided to make my life a little more public so I can find a few new friends. If I subscribe to you, take it as a compliment, I must like your personality or your writing. If you would like for me to unsubscribe, just let me know.

~Lawryn

It is sad because now I can not even stand to talk to some of those who were my best friends, who i would have done anything and everything for, who I cared about more than anything in this world.  I can not even stand to talk to them, let alone be around them.  It is simply too much heartbreak for me to know that they do not have the joy I have.  For I love and am loved in return while they are only loved.  It breaks my heart to know I will not see them in Heaven or walk with them on the streets of gold.  It breaks my heart to know that they will be stuck burning in Hell for all of enternity listening to the screams and pleads for help, but worst of all, they will be living without God, His presence, without Him.  That is a horrible thought.  A place without God...that will be one sad place..

I come to you today asking you to awake oh sleepers!  Awake and prophesy to these people who are going to be spending eternity in a place so horrible as Hell without even God's thought.  Pray for them!  Prophesy to them!  Intercede!  For their sake, intercede!  Thank you and goodnight.

-- Lawryn --

*She sits on the bridge staring at the water below...She's too scared to jump...But so afraid to stay*

*To live is to love...To love is to die 1,000 deaths...and SURVIVE*

*"LIE TO ME" she whispers.  "I LOVE YOU" he says*

*She talks about eternity, but he doesn't want to live forever*

* The girl who seemed unbreakable- broke
       The girl who seemed so strong- crumbled
       The girl who always laughed it off- cried
       The girl who would never stop trying- finally gave up and quit*

*She hides her tears behind a painted smile
       No one knows the pain shes going through
       This is her life everyday, no one knowing,
       yet no one caring. She cries herself to
       sleep, her wrists cut. Yet everyday she
       somehow makes it through*

*She finally lets go of her fake smile and lets the tears come.  As she looks in the mirror wiping away her running mascara she whispers, "I don't want to be me anymore"*

*I probably shouldn't be telling you this...But no matter what you do to me, I'm still here.  For some crazy reason I'll stick around through all the fights, the drama.  I'll make up excuses for why you didn't call and why you never cared.  I'll keep coming back for more even though you push me away.  I think I'm just sticking around so that one day, when I finally do leave for good, you'll look back and say "Wow, that girl really did love me and I let her go"*

*It's funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye
It's funny how good memories can start to make you cry
It's funny how forever never seems to last
It's funny how much you'd lose if you forgot about your past
It's funny how friends can just leave you when you're down
It's funny how when you need someone they're never around
It's funny how people change and think they're better
It's funny how many lies can be packed into one "love letter"
It's funny how people forgive even though they can't forget
It's funny how one night can contain so much regret
It's funny how ironic life turns out to be
But the funniest part is, NONE of that is funny to me*

Enough for now <//3

-- Lawryn --